This is not depression, this is rage.

While they both tend to be characterized by the same color, they are incredibly different.  Sure, both can separate you from friends and family.  Both can make you feel like little is worthwhile and why should you even bother.  But one makes you want to hurt, destroy and damage.  That is the one I feel.  I seethe with the anger of the unrecognized genius, toiling in obscurity.  I imagine this is how super-villains feel before they begin their quest for world domination.

Don’t call the cops.  That would be foolish and over-reacting.  I am far too in control to hurt anyone or anything of importance.  I am not a fool.

I am the ideal man.  Or as close to it as you are going to find.  I am good looking, well built, intelligent, empathic, loving, respectful and have no problems sharing my feelings.  And yet the rest of the world seems to miss this.  I get passed over for shallow, pretty men with little redeeming value.

I have grown sick and tired of childish women.  Ones who can’t see the value of a man, then lament loudly when their choice is proven foolish.  Or ones that, for fear of acting, allow their inaction to cause harm.  A woman, or a man for that matter, needs to know what is right, and do it, with conviction and without delay.

A woman should be able to see into the heart of a man.  See his soul and know his value.  Several women have been able to do this with me.  And when the world separated us, their sadness and anger was palpable.  Understandably so.

Maybe its your arrogance, you say.  And yes, I am a bit arrogant.  But I have worked hard, very hard, to be who and what I am today.  I have earned a bit of arrogance.  And when I say that I am all that I am, that is not showing off.  It is not hubris, overweening pride.  It is a statement of fact.  Anyone who knows me, truly knows me, knows I am not exaggerating, lying or wrong.

I have been called intimidating.  I am perfectly comfortable standing alone, silent in a crowd of strangers.  Some find this creepy, scary or, as I said, intimidating.  It is simply confidence.  Self-assurance.

The time has come for that confidence to be rewarded.  To meet with its like.  To finally meet its match, and be completed.

4 thoughts on “This is not depression, this is rage.

  1. uileat

    What I found most astounding about your post is the fact that as far as your description of yourself and what you are feeling, is almost exactly 100% opposite of me, point for point.

    And yet, your description of how you are treated by other people and women in particular seems to be basically exactly the same.

  2. uileat

    Thinking about your post I’ve formed a mental image of an analogy in my mind about how rather than being two extreme opposites, maybe we’re just going around a big circle back to where we started, and we’re just walking in opposite directions.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *