The Plow Man Cometh

Local paper published this one too.

http://thegazette.com/subject/opinion/guest-columnists/the-plow-man-cometh-20150111

To any snow plow drivers that read this, please understand that it is entirely tongue-in-cheek and is merely a bit of hyperbolic musing that occurred to me as I shoveled my sidewalks this morning.

I think you must have a certain level of cruelty inherent in your nature to become a municipal snow plow driver. I’m guessing they have a test that you have to pass. Maybe you kick puppies or something.

I say this because every time I have to excavate my mailbox or tear down the wall that separates my driveway from the wider world, I can only imagine it was done on purpose and with a feeling of glee. Maybe it’s a character flaw on my part, but I can’t imagine anyone creating a mess like that without knowing exactly what they’re doing to the homeowners and secretly reveling in it.

I can picture the childlike grin on the plow driver’s face who had to come in at an angle, multiple times, to create the wall of snow that stood several feet high on my corner this morning. The T-intersection was well cleared, don’t get me wrong, but all the snow that used to be clogging the street was intentionally pushed onto my corner. Not my retired-neighbor-with-a-snow-blower’s corner. Not the straight stretch at the top of the T along the far side. Nope. My corner. The one where the neighborhood’s children wait for the bus. That I feel obligated to clear immediately, before any children are forced to stand in snow, waiting for the big yellow bus, despite the fact that I have a 48 hour grace period authorized by the city.

Maybe I’ve done something to offend the driver. Maybe I parked my truck on the odd side of the street on an even-numbered day on the calendar. It’s possible. I’m not completely calendar-aware. I’m not 100% what today’s date is, so this could be the answer.

So I ask for forgiveness, Mr. or Ms. Plow Driver, and urge you to share the wealth that your giant steel blade provides. Especially with my snow-blower-equipped neighbors. They are significantly better prepared than I.

And, if that’s too much to ask, I hope you step in a puddle.

3 thoughts on “The Plow Man Cometh

  1. Kristian Post author

    OK, first, I posted that minutes ago. How could you possibly have replied already?
    And second, your computer clock is messed up. It says you posted about eight hours later than you did. I don’t think you’re in the UK right now, are you?

    Reply
  2. Your Lovely Wife

    I am so happy I am unable to shovel this year because you are just asking for it!

    I do giggle at the thought of their possible glee, or Mr. Burns like enjoyment as they drive past…. ‘excellent…’.

    Reply

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